If you are like most people, you have a goal or a dream that is
meaningful and that you want to achieve. That goal may be related to
personal growth issues such as weight loss, gaining self-esteem, finding
inner peace, increasing your energy levels, or overcoming depression.
Or, your goal may include going back to school, entering a new
career, or bringing your creative talents into a greater public light.
Having a goal is the easy part. Attempting to move through your own
inner obstacles can literally leave you terrified, completely paralyzed
by your own fear.
If you have tried to reach your goal and stopped because you
encountered a seemingly insurmountable obstacle, don’t give up. That is
the nature of goals. They take you into new territory and bring you
face-to-face with your own fears and doubts. The issue is not about how
to avoid fear, but how to make positive decisions that boost your
confidence while fear is present.
Every day, many people give up on their dreams due to self-doubt and
fear. But it doesn’t have to be that way! Here are six steps to
overcoming doubt and fear and bringing your own goals to life.
1. Make a Decision. Once
you define your dream or goal, decide that you want to live this kind
of happy and satisfied life. This may seem basic but many people never
decide and commit fully to their dream. They simply keep “thinking”
about it. Or, when the first obstacle appears and they give up. Make a
commitment to yourself. Right now is not the time to worry about how to
make it happen, or how you are going to move through your challenges.
Instead, plant the seed of your dream inside of you and you commit to
loving this seed until the day you can harvest the fruits of your
efforts.
Honor your commitment to self. No one can let you down more than you
can. Make a commitment about what you want and stand strong in your
commitment. No matter how challenging, how fearful, or overwhelming it
may seem, decide you are going for it! Why? For no other reason than
because you want it. There are no should’s, have to’s, or weak choices.
This is something you want for yourself and a choice you have made.
2. You Are Not Your Fear. As
you move forward on your dream, doubt and fear are going to show up
sooner than you might have expected. To move beyond fear, it is helpful
to learn to separate yourself from your fear. For example, instead of
thinking an all encompassing statement such as, “I am fearful,” learn
instead to say, “There is a part of me that is fearful and doesn’t want
to move forward. But somewhere inside of me there is also a desire to continue moving forward.”
Fear is not all of who you are, rather it is an emotion that
you are experiencing. The key is to recognize your fear, avoid becoming
identified with your fear, and keep breathing. Breathing keeps energy
moving and prevents you from being consumed in fear’s heavy embrace.
No matter how scary it seems, decide to sit with your emotion of fear
for the purpose of accepting its presence, but not necessarily agreeing
with it’s point of view. Acceptance helps because avoiding it doesn’t
make it go away, looking the other way doesn’t make it disappear, and
ignoring it does not make it any less painful. So, breathe. Then tell
yourself that even though you are feeling intense fear,
you can still take action. Look fear in the eye and let it know, “You
are not the boss of me!” Then take the necessary steps to gain new tools
and strategies to move forward on your dream once again.
3. Change your attitude about failure. Long
ago, a quote arrived in my email that read, “You try things, some work,
some don’t, and you do more of what works.” These simple words suggest
that the formula for success is that if you want to grow and succeed,
you also have to be willing to fail. Certainly, no one actually wants to
experience failure.
However, if you want to succeed at something new, you will most
likely experience setbacks, obstacles, and failures along the way. To be
successful, redefine failure in a manner allowing yourself to see
failure as “information.”Failure is really just feedback telling you to
evaluate your experience, utilize the information gained to adjust your
plan, and then try a new approach. When you experience a failure – get
up, dust yourself off, access the information gained, revise your
course, and begin again.
4. Build Your Confidence Muscle. Although
achieving your dream will bring up stress, fear, doubt, this experience
is precisely what is necessary for a confidence breakthrough to occur.
It is not enough to make self-supporting choices when your journey is
easy, you have to do it when it’s hardest to do so. That’s because to
break through what is holding you back, you have to go through the
doubt. You can’t dance around it, wish it away, or analyze how to avoid
the experience. Making self-empowering decisions under stress is what leads you authentic personal growth and solidifies inner change.
It’s the challenges of your journey that offer hundreds of
opportunities to develop your confidence muscle and gain mastery over
your experiences. Every obstacle, setback, or failure offers you a new
chance to believe in yourself instead of falling into doubt and fear.
5. Decide You Don’t Have To Do Anything. Here
is an experiment. For the next 48 hours, eliminate the words “I have
to” from your vocabulary and substitute the words “I choose to.” Instead
of saying, “I have to move forward on my goal” say, “I choose to take
this specific action step today.” Or, you could just as effectively say,
“I choose not
to take any action step today.” Either choice allows you to understand
that you are the person in control of your choices. You set the
priorities. You are responsible. You have control. Feel how empowering
this simple change of words can be.
6. Ask Yourself Empowering Questions. Certain
types of questions can lead you to gain new insights and new
motivation. Ask yourself the following questions, allow yourself to
answer them from your heart, and see where your truths take you: Are
your dreams important enough to change your daily lifestyle?
- Do you want to be responsible for your own life decisions?
- Do you have the courage to go after what you want with tenacity and see it through to the end?
- Can you accept that fear is part of the journey and move forward anyway?
- Can you recognize that fear is only your leader if you allow it to be?
Being able to overcome your doubt and fears so you can bring into
reality the life of your dreams is one of the best experiences in the
world! Take control of your life by practicing these five simple steps
and learn how to tame your fear and create a happier, more successful life.
Your partner in success,
